Wow

You know, I wonder sometimes if I'm the only one who thought outside the box(with a few others) when it came to High School. I have found yet another classmate who I swear was going to college and he STILL lives the same city that we went to High School with no sign of leaving. I have plans on leaving soon as I get out of college and it doesn't involve staying in CT or Hartford for that matter. It seems that most of my classmates that I went to School little to no desire to leave Hartford as it crumbles. I wonder how many of them are just plain stuck because it's obvious most of them settled for the comfort that is their hometown(though I'm from Boston...big fucking difference with this bullshit city). there was this guy who used to be the pretty boy of the Class because he was a nice looking dude. all the girls used to want him......forward to 2012...he's fat balding dude. All the guys who are going bald eventually just shave their heads instead of facing old age as I have. I do not mind my silver lining coming in but most of these guys are just plain shaving their heads. Even my younger brother is doing it with his fat ass. Most of my male classmates that I know from the 8th grade and up...hell even the ones from grade school...didn't go to college, and they are of all colors so I have to wonder what the fuck happened to them. The ones in Hartford must have liked the ghetto so much that they didn't want to abandon it. That is stupid if you ask me. Most of them are doing odd jobs and are one pink slip away from going back to where they came from including my brother. All this talk about the ghetto. My younger brother's never lived in the projects, but decided that, after going to the Marines, to return to God forsaken city and live like a teenager, costing me a thousand dollars. that he owes me money is not the problem, it's his stupid push for me to accept my dysfunctional family. He can do that all the fuck he wants, I don't need them after they abandoned me, so whatever, dude. I refuse to end up like them. They even make bad life choices, most of whom have kids at an early age, which fucks up all hope of upward mobility. Having a child at an early age can rob you of your hopes and dreams no matter how much you sugar-coat it. They even make poor choices in friends. Most of them are still with the friends they grew up with, while I have moved on from the meth/weed/coke heads and drug dealers from back then. They get a guilt trip from their friends to "Keep it Real" which is asinine when most of them friends will probably rob you if they find you coming up successful. Some of my former friends are even crackheads. For me to stay friends with them would only hinder my progress in society. Your history can always come back to haunt you and I refuse to let them come back to me. I'd rather they just forget about me. I don't mean to shun them away from but I've grown up. ACTUALLY, I do mean to shun them away. We're not family, and we sure as hell aren't running in the same circles(not even on Google+) as though we were still stuck at 18 or some youth. Maybe because I never had a childhood I just made wiser choices because I had no support system while they did. That support system is probably not a positive one in my opinion because most of them are friends and family who haven't done anything to get ahead. How can one deal with such toxic people who want to keep partying all night as if there was no job to go to the next day?


I never really fit in with the ghetto crowd because my mom never wanted to move into the projects. She somehow wanted live in a better area where drugs would not affect us I guess. Regardless of how dysfunctional my family is. I think it's because she had that bastard of my step dad around and thought living in the projects would bring problems. 


Hartford is what it is and I do what I can with it, but I will leave as soon as I get out of school and I'm not lying about it. I think it's because my mom moved around when I was younger. I got used to it and being stuck in one place when I can find a better experience elsewhere is my thing. I don't mind moving around and starting all over because "Nothing is guaranteed" and I've always lived by that mantra. it just gives me freedom to have it. I don't have any attachments to anything in my life except for my money and it's because I need it to survive, Other than that I'd be done with it as well. 
I never liked being poor and I did always strive to put myself through school no matter what and I have no help nor assistance from anybody from my mom down to my Guidance councilor. That motherfucker just asked me a question and I knew I wanted to go to college, but he never really assisted me. My mom was no help because she's got a seventh grade education. She wouldn't know where to begin. This councilor just pointed to a bunch of brochures from schools. talk about overwhelming me. I only had one lady councilor who I wish I'd had because...first: she was black, and most black women tend to help out minorities in my experiences. Well women in general tend to be more nurturing and want the best out of you. So anyways, they switched from her to this one councilor who was was white and he didn't give a damn where I ended up. Probably even thought I'd end up in jail some day. I had more guidance from a colleague at work. I promised him that I would enter and finish college because he was pushing me so much. My older co-workers were a bunch of washed up has-beens who doing work that teenagers(such as myself at the time) were supposed to do. I'm sure he frowned upon them because they really didn't amount to shit really. One of them works with me now, and he hasn't done shit to better his life, he just complains but n ever tries to improve himself, and he's pushing 50. what a waste of life. Anyways my colleague passed away and I've since tried to make this promise come to fruition, but I'm alone doing this. I think my drive to finish college is my motivation because I have nothing else to fall back on if I quit. Of course I don't really believe that, but I can have more upward mobility with my new found critical thinking skills where labor is less intensive and the use of my mind is more conducive.