well...once again, I manage to mess up YET another worthwhile relationship with a beautiful woman because of my big mouth, and drinking of course. Yeah, the thespian is gone. Took her two months to get tired of my antics and I don't blame her at all. She was very into me to the point that she was always thinking about me. The first thing she would do when she got up was text me. I've yet to find a girl such as her. Now she's gone and I have no one to blame but myself. Thing is I had told myself "don't drink, no matter what, around her at all. What do I do? I go and have a drink and the first thing I do is go off on her about four times, then I had posted something about her that she didn't like(probably because she's an actress and is trying to keep her image clean, which it is) and that was pretty much the last straw...she said too many red flags. When am I going to learn that alcohol and me don't mix well and will always make women run from me. I'm not as affected by it because I know it was my fault, but now I have to go and find another girl. Replacing an actress is going to be a trial although I shouldn't put her on a pedestal, I have to get her out of my system first and then I can move on, becuase right now any girl will be a rebound and that is not fair to any of them. I have been obsessing over her since she won't be easy to forget being that she's in television and movies. she's not an A or a B-list actress, but she's moving up though. I've only seen a handful of clips of her and I can't say anything about her performances, but she's doing it whereas I'm not so I can't really judge her like that. She does mostly commercials for now, but is trying to get into movies and television. She's not photogenic(her words not mine) but she's beautiful in person. I wonder how people who do casting view her headshots(I think that's what they call it)...I'd still consider her becuase some of her photos look nice. I know she's very conscious of her face's image because I wanted to take a photo of her one time, ONE TIME, and she was hiding her face with her hand. I thought that THAT was a sad thing about her because seriously, Hollywood is very fickle and they won't take an average looking person to film. She's far from average and I think she's got a very unique look to her and that's what attracted me to her, but I've always been that way. I don't go for models nore superfine women because they tend to be fickle, and I can't say I admire that.
OK, so that was what I liked about her, now for what I didn't like about her and pretty much is the reason why I'm not so heartbroken: her constant communicating on her blackberry when we're on a date. All I'm saying is atleast show me enough respect to leave it alone for a few hours while with me. She did that on our very first date. I should've left her alone after I'd noticed that, but I didn't and I'm going to start looking for red flags myself such as that type of activity. another thing is for some odd reason I felt like she was a smoker becuase her breath smelled/tasted like it . she kept telling me that she didn't, but her whole car wreaked of cigarettes. I couldn't help but wonder. She had some crazy habits, like eating late at night, without thinking that she might gain weight. I don't think she ever gave her heatlth that much thought. She'd contradicted herself a couple of times during our conversations. She seems like a very confident person who knows what she's talking about, but was worried because of an interview in which she knew what she was talking about. I didn't get that, because I usually am sure of an interview and don't really worry about wether I got the job or not. for some reason I always thought "there's something missing that I'm not liking" I just couldn't put my finger on it. I could say her body was that of a character actor since she's doing such a thing. all I know is eventually I was going to lose interest even while she's falling for me had I not messed up the way I did.
so anyways I do wish her well, and I hope to see her and a theatre near me, it might take years before I ever see her in a major movie in a major role, but you never know. She's already got a movie for which I've yet to see her in, credit-wise, but I think she'll be a great actress. she's got that potential.
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