The Truth Hurts.........Just Admit It!

So yesterday, I was told by my so-called friend that I said something mean and hurtful. She's so dramatic, it's not even funny. I told her I was just saying the truth and if it hurts her, then oh, well, it's hers to deal with.  I can't be responsible for making people feel happy if I'm telling the truth. Then she proceeds to try and berate me by saying stuff that is just not true, but she perceives it to be and only to get infuriated when I didn't respond in the juvenile manner in which she was acting. I told her she can be a real bitch, and she was telling me about her being opinionated. What crock of bullshit. She was not addressing her using her friend's weaknesses against them when she feels powerless or not in control of the situation or like she's being berated. For some reason that infuriated her even more so she started to throw things at me that she thought were going to get me mad or whatever, but I'm way better than that. I bet that she would have tried to beat my ass if she was in front of me, because she has no power against me. I told her that she's going to end up alone because of her temper, which is pretty toxic when you couple it with her insecurities.
She was only calling me to find out what she should do about her current boyfriend. I tried to let her know to take her time, but no, she wants to jump into bed with another guy a month after she had sex with her ex boyfriend who's her baby's father(talk about a dysfunctional family in the making)Again, she denies that she will be alone. I highly doubt it as her new boyfriend is already starting to call in sick and act all funny with her. That's how I was with her. She even started name-calling. I would have expected that from an 18 year old, not a 30 year old. I just let her spew whatever she wanted to spew because it didn't matter to me as she is not a friend to  me. She just kept on going and going about how I was this and I was that. I admitted all my problems that include drinking, but I think she was hiding from hers. That's how defensive this broad can get when she feels like she can't control something. I think she needs psychiatric help because her daughter is going to grow up with a mom that's like that and that's not healthy for a little girl to be seeing her mom run through boyfriends left and right. she's plain insecure about herself and her fat body, lol. I'm sure somebody will want her after she's all used up by Isaac or whatever the fuck his name is. She's got a weight problem to top it off as well, so you know she's especially obnoxious. I remember getting to know her, the more I got to know her, the more I didn't want to know her. yeah, we had sex, but it wasn't the greatest. Mostly it wasn't great because she  had deceived me in describing her weight.

I swear women that are conscious of their weight will not tell you their weight because, pretty much, they're fat....and don't want to disclose because it might discourage your wanting to date them. Of course I know this because my skinny exes always told me their weight if  I asked them.

I have been telling everybody the damn truth and no being a "yes man" and some aren't taking it too well, so they have decided to bounce, only to my benefit because I could care less about any of them. They never really meant well and most liked twisting my opinion to their liking.

Wow

You know, I wonder sometimes if I'm the only one who thought outside the box(with a few others) when it came to High School. I have found yet another classmate who I swear was going to college and he STILL lives the same city that we went to High School with no sign of leaving. I have plans on leaving soon as I get out of college and it doesn't involve staying in CT or Hartford for that matter. It seems that most of my classmates that I went to School little to no desire to leave Hartford as it crumbles. I wonder how many of them are just plain stuck because it's obvious most of them settled for the comfort that is their hometown(though I'm from Boston...big fucking difference with this bullshit city). there was this guy who used to be the pretty boy of the Class because he was a nice looking dude. all the girls used to want him......forward to 2012...he's fat balding dude. All the guys who are going bald eventually just shave their heads instead of facing old age as I have. I do not mind my silver lining coming in but most of these guys are just plain shaving their heads. Even my younger brother is doing it with his fat ass. Most of my male classmates that I know from the 8th grade and up...hell even the ones from grade school...didn't go to college, and they are of all colors so I have to wonder what the fuck happened to them. The ones in Hartford must have liked the ghetto so much that they didn't want to abandon it. That is stupid if you ask me. Most of them are doing odd jobs and are one pink slip away from going back to where they came from including my brother. All this talk about the ghetto. My younger brother's never lived in the projects, but decided that, after going to the Marines, to return to God forsaken city and live like a teenager, costing me a thousand dollars. that he owes me money is not the problem, it's his stupid push for me to accept my dysfunctional family. He can do that all the fuck he wants, I don't need them after they abandoned me, so whatever, dude. I refuse to end up like them. They even make bad life choices, most of whom have kids at an early age, which fucks up all hope of upward mobility. Having a child at an early age can rob you of your hopes and dreams no matter how much you sugar-coat it. They even make poor choices in friends. Most of them are still with the friends they grew up with, while I have moved on from the meth/weed/coke heads and drug dealers from back then. They get a guilt trip from their friends to "Keep it Real" which is asinine when most of them friends will probably rob you if they find you coming up successful. Some of my former friends are even crackheads. For me to stay friends with them would only hinder my progress in society. Your history can always come back to haunt you and I refuse to let them come back to me. I'd rather they just forget about me. I don't mean to shun them away from but I've grown up. ACTUALLY, I do mean to shun them away. We're not family, and we sure as hell aren't running in the same circles(not even on Google+) as though we were still stuck at 18 or some youth. Maybe because I never had a childhood I just made wiser choices because I had no support system while they did. That support system is probably not a positive one in my opinion because most of them are friends and family who haven't done anything to get ahead. How can one deal with such toxic people who want to keep partying all night as if there was no job to go to the next day?


I never really fit in with the ghetto crowd because my mom never wanted to move into the projects. She somehow wanted live in a better area where drugs would not affect us I guess. Regardless of how dysfunctional my family is. I think it's because she had that bastard of my step dad around and thought living in the projects would bring problems. 


Hartford is what it is and I do what I can with it, but I will leave as soon as I get out of school and I'm not lying about it. I think it's because my mom moved around when I was younger. I got used to it and being stuck in one place when I can find a better experience elsewhere is my thing. I don't mind moving around and starting all over because "Nothing is guaranteed" and I've always lived by that mantra. it just gives me freedom to have it. I don't have any attachments to anything in my life except for my money and it's because I need it to survive, Other than that I'd be done with it as well. 
I never liked being poor and I did always strive to put myself through school no matter what and I have no help nor assistance from anybody from my mom down to my Guidance councilor. That motherfucker just asked me a question and I knew I wanted to go to college, but he never really assisted me. My mom was no help because she's got a seventh grade education. She wouldn't know where to begin. This councilor just pointed to a bunch of brochures from schools. talk about overwhelming me. I only had one lady councilor who I wish I'd had because...first: she was black, and most black women tend to help out minorities in my experiences. Well women in general tend to be more nurturing and want the best out of you. So anyways, they switched from her to this one councilor who was was white and he didn't give a damn where I ended up. Probably even thought I'd end up in jail some day. I had more guidance from a colleague at work. I promised him that I would enter and finish college because he was pushing me so much. My older co-workers were a bunch of washed up has-beens who doing work that teenagers(such as myself at the time) were supposed to do. I'm sure he frowned upon them because they really didn't amount to shit really. One of them works with me now, and he hasn't done shit to better his life, he just complains but n ever tries to improve himself, and he's pushing 50. what a waste of life. Anyways my colleague passed away and I've since tried to make this promise come to fruition, but I'm alone doing this. I think my drive to finish college is my motivation because I have nothing else to fall back on if I quit. Of course I don't really believe that, but I can have more upward mobility with my new found critical thinking skills where labor is less intensive and the use of my mind is more conducive.

so it's Saturday

and I am buggin the fuck out becuase I am slowly getting over this BITCH.....YES, BITCH....and it feels good doing so.
so I am slowly looking over my dating history and I've come to the realization that I have dated some fine women...even my boy tells me. someone even told me "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" LOL.....now that is funny on so many levels :D

OK, so I've dated and had sex with a lawyer and a premed student so that counts as a doctor right?...atleast in the future, LOL....what that means is that I shoot high in my quest for arse, :D
there is a girl who's from the Stock Market who I've gotten the attention from and I am pretty much buggin over that because I have to wonder what she wants from this "pink collar" guy, LOL...I don't do much, but I am very ambitious, I have alot obstacles so I do know that I have to overcome them, but what does she see me. I'm thinking "boy toy" since she's older than me. I don't know, but she looks good...I'm asking for an STD test results though. I can't fuck around after this bullshit that happened to me.
I was in fucking turmoil thinking I had Herpes last month or so...yeah, in fucking December.......family time, right? bullshit, I was alone and cold and I had no one to talk to during this bullshit except a couple prospective long-distance women who gave me comfort(thank you to all of them)
if you must know(because I know you want to) here's what I thought I had:

I had a few bumps on my dick in early October, to mid october....so they started growing to the point that they looked like it was some herpetic thing,...I looked up the symptoms of Herpes, the gift that keeps on giving, and it wasn't pretty...but I didn't have the rest of symptoms...so I let it go and let the bumps grow as they wish since it wasn't hurting me being single...

I meet a girl who was a great catch...only thing was I had these bumps so I wonder what if we get close...so I let it slide because I'm thinking we won't get far.

so we get far to the point of fucking, so OK, NOW I'm fretting ....I had to let her go regardless because I'm not an asshole that has no morals and I don't want my little sisters to catch this shit, so I've been very careful with every bitch, yes, BITCH...that I have been with.....no need to personafy these broads...they don't need names, unless they become famous...and ONE will....and when that time comes, well, more power to her...I can say I dated an actress, :D

You know

I can't wait to start up school so I can keep my mind busy. Hopefully I will be so busy I don't think about dating. Women cloud my mind, and really keep me from progressing.  All this dating nonsense I swear sidetracks me because of boredom. Yeah, so I should be looking forward to upcoming class and I'm hoping to take even more come this Fall. forget all these women on my ass. I usually lose them by the start of the year anyways, so I'm cool with it. just glad I didn't take the last relationship so serious to the point of being depressed for days on end.....and you know what? I'm a pretty boy anyways. I got to score this average looking chick who had a complex about being photogenic, and I had overlooked that, but then I remember one photos she sent me that I was questioning her sex...Jesus. and her Niece...oh, my God everybody's gushing over her and I'm thinking "that child needs a steak around er neck so the dog can play with her" fuck that, I know that kid did NOT look cute, she looked like her mom, and this girl's sister was nothing to fawn after. Hell, the friggin' family, now that I think about it looked horrendous, I bet she won't a good looking dude like me. it's not wonder I'm such a prick. I guess pretty boys really are assholes.  Oh well, I try, but my ego gets the best of me. I know I bragged about how good I looked one too many times. Never mind that she was eccentric, she was just plain PLAIN when you think about it. I'm getting over her and I'm starting to realize that THAT is probably what would eventually make me leave her or lead to her heartbreak. Great personality, but damn if I didn't think she was all that in some areas. I am thinking like myself now. I might lapse back into her because of her personality, but I can find that in anybody who acts right. Appearance is a totally different scenario though, ;D

now that I really think about it

I think that I may have given this girl too much credit, because I did catch her contradicting herself while going on our dates. She pretty much acted as though she were trying to impress me, because then I would see the real person come out. Her name could be a "stage" name for all I know. She gave me some Elongated name at one point, which was the name of this song by a Jazz artist. I found her Resume for a job with her "stage" name on it. I don't know anybody who lies about their friggin' name because they would get discovered when it's looked up by the company. I guess from her choice of jobs(spas) maybe they don't look for them at all. OK, so she also tells me she loves her job, and then, two weeks later she's looking for another one. what happened? did I ruin her luck? THEN she tells me that she doesn't like arguing, but then I hear about her not biting her tongue. Now that isn't too diplomatic now is it? Who knows, maybe she's bi-polar because I swear she was contradicting herself alot.


on another note, I'd like to wish Michelle Obama a Happy Birthday, but that shit costs money. what the fuck, every chance they get they're asking me for 3 fucking dollars. fuck  that.


OK, so maybe I'm nit-picking so I can keep her out of my mind, but I can't help but think something was wrong with her that I, at times, didn't care to hear from her and was glad just texting her, which she didn't mind doing.....even on our first date, which gave me notice.


Yeah, yeah, she's an actress and I may never get to date another one again, only because I got burned by one, but that just means I can score one, :D..I've already scored a model, about two lawyers, and a couple teachers, so I'm pretty good at getting some intelligent, hard working, ambitious women, so why bother worrying about this girl leaving me alone. I'm OK, because my worth is up there.


I saw one of her movies...although, she was only there for like, what, five minutes or so ? I mean I guess it's cool because the movie sucked. The people that were raving about it must be out their fucking minds because, although it dealt with what may be a a serious dilemma in the U.S., the movie made no damn sense. I'll give it this much though: the movie does look better than most of the indies I've seen before, but some folks in there just didn't act natural...how the hell should I know right? well, I wasn't convinced by some of them.  Her role was so short lived that I can't really make an assessment on her performance. all I can say is I saw her...but that's it.

Damn

OK, so I'm obsessing over my damn ex because she's a friggin' actress and I hope not to see her, but she's been making appearances with big names like Ryan Reynolds, and she's even been on a TV show with not signs of slowing down so she's going to be hard to avoid. I don't think I'll see the movie that she's in because it will bring back memories to when she had told me about it and was getting fitted for some wardrobe. She was a sweetheart though, but I need to stop obsessing over her because there were things that I think I might have gotten tired of. Hopefully once I start up school again, I'll be better off, because for now I'm bored and all I'm doing is thinking about her, although not as deeply as the one Scorpio chick I dated in February of 2011. She was a real pain in the ass, but she was fine as hell, so I guess I kept on..I knew the flags were there, but I chose to ignore them because of her pretty smile. She was a brit and boy was she snobby as fuck. She had a snobby comment for just about everything that surrounded her. I swear she was different texting but over the phone she was a boring conversation. She barely talked, IF AT ALL. Get her on the phone and her responses to anything I inquired were nothing but boring as all hell. She was pretty slow when it came to conversation, almost like it was better to be around her than on the phone...YET she can text forever.  I swear I don't get women sometimes.

Damn, I sure messed up big time. for all I know I would've been with her at her grammy's award, who knows. I don't wish her any ill will, because she's very driven, and I like that in a woman. Even if I did mess up the beautiful relationship we had, and it was the BEST I've ever had. Boy she was SO into me, I think I was taken aback because of that and I freaked out. I'm used to women not responding with such passion towards me, but she really opened up to me and I did her wrong. How I can manage to mess that up I just don't know.  Oh, wait, yes, I do...my drinking. And I promised to drink while interacting with her, but some times. I do need to be more appreciative of life than before because I do have this disorder(Sarcoidosis) and I should be more humble and stop being so hateful. I'm going to try to do that, but being a Leo, wow, I am really arrogant at times. I was told that by the Scorpio, but she wasn't any better than me being a snob herself.

crazy because I had gone on like three dates with the Scorpio and I was deeply affected by her leaving me and than the acting chick. Maybe it WASN'T meant to be, but I just wanted it to last long enough to become intimate...by that I mean her telling me she loves me as well me to  her. We were good together and you could tell because we were so into each other. There were times when I was second guessing myself wondering how long before I mess it up. Oh, it didn't take long, but she forgave me too many times. I am sorry though because it IS my fault so.

anyways,

TTYL

WTF

I was about to change the name of my blog, but fuck it, it's already been viewed so whatever. Enjoy my rants.

My page was actually viewed? man, I hope it's nobody I know doing that nonsense. I just want a place where I can speak my mind and not  have to worry about who's reading this thinking I'm talking about them. of course some will do so, but hell, I'm not putting their names out so they need to chill if they are sensitive. Yes, it's me talking about others, but I'm not doing it in a malicious manner. I'm just making observations. some people don't like the way I speak(alot of them on Facebook) but I could care less so I'm all good. I'll talk about my exes because it's my way of venting. I used to do it on a notebook, but then that notebook got stolen, so I might as well post it on a blog since it's practically public information. I hope that my views are NOT my own damn views, LOL...I'm no attention whore, but damn, this would be crazy if I have to look at my own blog for some attention. I love myself, but not that much. :D
on another note, look at th is, :D




now that is funny as all hell. Never thought I'd think about this and it's an old photo, but it's funny.

me and my big mouth

well...once again, I manage to mess up YET another worthwhile relationship with a beautiful woman because of my big mouth, and drinking of course. Yeah, the thespian is gone. Took her two months to get tired of my antics and I don't blame her at all. She was very into me to the point that she was always thinking about me. The first thing she would do when she got up was text me. I've yet to find a girl such as her. Now she's gone and I have no one to blame but myself. Thing is I had told myself "don't drink, no matter what, around her at all. What do I do? I go and have a drink and the first thing I do is go off on her about four times, then I had posted something about her that she didn't like(probably because she's an actress and is trying to keep her image clean, which it is) and that was pretty much the last straw...she said too  many red flags. When am I going to learn that alcohol and me don't mix well and will always make women run from me. I'm not as affected by it because I know it was my fault, but now I have to go and find another girl. Replacing an actress is going to be a trial although I shouldn't put her on a pedestal, I have to get her out of my system first and then I can move on, becuase right now any girl will be a rebound and that is  not fair to any of them. I have been obsessing over her since she won't be easy to forget being that she's in television and movies. she's not an A or a B-list actress, but she's moving up though. I've only seen a handful of clips of her and I can't say anything about her performances, but she's doing it whereas I'm not so I can't really judge her like that. She does mostly commercials for now, but is trying to get into movies and television. She's not photogenic(her words not mine) but she's beautiful in person. I wonder how people who do casting view her headshots(I think that's what they call it)...I'd still consider her becuase some of her photos look nice. I know she's very conscious of her face's image because I wanted to take a photo of her one time, ONE TIME, and she was hiding her face with her hand. I thought that THAT was a sad thing about her because seriously, Hollywood is very fickle and they won't take an average looking person to film. She's far from average and I think she's got a very unique look to  her and that's what attracted me to her, but I've always been that way. I don't go for models nore superfine women because they tend to be fickle, and I can't say I admire that.
OK, so that was what I liked about her, now for what I didn't like about her and pretty much is the reason why I'm not so heartbroken: her constant communicating on her blackberry when we're on a date. All I'm saying is atleast show me enough respect to leave it alone for a few hours while with me. She did that on our very first date. I should've left her alone after I'd noticed that, but I didn't and I'm going to start looking for red flags myself such as that type of activity. another thing is for some odd reason I felt like she was a smoker becuase her breath smelled/tasted like it . she kept telling me that she didn't, but her whole car wreaked of cigarettes. I couldn't help but wonder. She had some crazy habits, like eating late at night, without thinking that she might gain weight. I don't think she ever gave her heatlth that much thought. She'd contradicted herself a couple of times during our conversations. She seems like a very confident person who knows what she's talking about, but was worried because of an interview in which she knew what she was talking about. I didn't get that, because I usually am sure of an interview and don't really worry about wether I got the job or not. for some reason I always thought "there's something missing that I'm not liking" I just couldn't put my finger on it. I could say her body was that of a character actor since she's doing such a thing. all I know is eventually I was going to lose interest even while she's falling for me had I not messed up the way I did.

so anyways I do wish her well, and I hope to see her and a theatre near me, it might take years before I ever see her in a major movie in a major role, but you never know. She's already got a movie for which I've yet to see her in, credit-wise, but I think she'll be a great actress. she's got that potential.