!!!A Hero Ain't Nothing but a Sandwich!!!!

So while I have friends who'd read the book "the Great Gatsby" for which after years of not reading it, actually it and realize that I probably couldn't relate to it at 13.....and for which I think was bullshit because before the 1930's people were living good(well, white people at least, I don't know about Mexicans and Black folks that were in the U.S. back then)....I read "A Hero Ain't Nothin' but a Sandwich"

This is a tale about a boy, named "Benjie" who gets addicted to "the stuff" as they called it back in the 70's..or heroine....I never knew what that shit was because I didn't grow up in a neighborhood where I was exposed to heroine being used in front of me. I was around drug dealers, but I never dealt with them. I was always at the library doing my homework because I couldn't do it at home and I needed space to concentrate and the library gave me the resources for me to do as such. 

One thing I got about "A Hero Ain't Nothin' but a Sandwich" is that I didn't want to be exposed to any of that nonsense and I didn't want my OWN family(my newly created family, meaning my son or daughter nor my wife) to be around this. I hope some people who lived in the hood actually did get that message and fought to get out instead of staying and live in a constant state of stagnation, complaining about how life is so haaaaaaaaaaard. It really is YOUR fault for not learning how to get out when you had so many opportunities to do so. 

I'm not pro-ethnic anymore because I live in the land where we have more cultures than I can count in my hand and I don't want them to feel unwelcome in my home as I have been welcomed. I hope many of you do as well. good night. 

TTYL!!!

Sometime I wonder if I even want to date anymore. Every woman I've dealt with have no time or are so anxious that they'd rather leave me alone instead of getting to know me better. I try to be as patient as I can because I don't want to make the wrong decision, but I run into women who just want to move. Some have children from other men, which makes me uneasy. What I mean is what does this mean: that you were so anxious to make the guy your man that you just banged him without really knowing him and ended up with a baby and now he's no longer in the picture? How does that make any sense? I don't have any children and I don't plan to have any until I get my wife. That's the only way I want to live: my wife and my own child even if just one. Some women seem dumb while others are just plain anxious and want to rush quickly to make me their boyfriend without even knowing me. Already this girl I'm getting to know is talking about giving up on dating indirectly addressing me. I brush it off because, to me, if you don't want to wait, then you're not meant for me. Sorry, but as I get older I feel like I should watch who the hell I'm going to make my girl and possible wife because I don't want to make a mistake and marry the wrong woman. A woman who can't wait for me to make up my mind should not even consider dating until she's sure of what's going to happen, and take her time. It seems to me like most women just want that ideal boyfriend who makes them happy every day that he shows up. Well, infatuation is fine, but sooner or later, if you want a serious relationship, you should take the time to get to know the person. I don't get it anymore and I think I should just lay off on trying to get me a wife anymore and just let the chips fall where they may. It's probably just best. It keeps me from going to fast with some psycho bitch(of which I've encountered more than once!!) or the girl who jumps into a relationship soon as they break up with another guy. I end up being the rebound guy, which isn't fair. That can happen or they could end up being my rebound, which I'd rather not happen. So she's pretty much made up her mind and I'm not going to try and pursue her anymore because she's got a son and I'm not trying to deal with another single mother. Why can't these women invest their time in raising their child/ren instead of looking for a boyfriend.

First Summer Job!!!!

Since Summer's coming to a close and alot of younger folks are wrapping up their summer jobs, I'd like to hear about your first Summer job? mine was as an artist for this newsletter called "Hot Sneakers" our numbskull of a boss came up with this nonsense, but I was the artists and I came up with the logo...and I also drew up alot of the art for the newsletter, which was about four pages deep since we only had two writers. Now these two were polar opposites and I was their bridge because I got along with both of them. anyways, my supervisor came up with this idea of ME drawing up a comic strip named "the bionic ant" and I remember myself thinking"what the hell?" but I did actually come up with a concept and it was pretty cool. I was 16, what was I going to come up with but a bionic ant, so since I had read comic books forever, I came up with something that Jim Lee might smile at,...I tried to do some art like he did, lol. Anyways, I got the workplace exposure while visiting mentors over at Aetna's insurance company. Love the guy, his computer's monitor was the size of the wall, but I loved it. He was using a friggin' Mac at the time, and I had messed with to do my comic in color. anyways I miss my "hot sneakers" crew although one of them turned into a law offender and the other went on to become a lawyer or something. 

so......WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST SUMMER JOB?

Nakia's psychotic ass

Here’s a more polished and concise version of your story. I focused on clarity, structure, and tone while maintaining the essence of your message.

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Reflections on My Time with Nakia Rivera

Looking back, I realize Nakia Rivera was one of the most chaotic people I’d ever met. She had a son out of wedlock, and while the kid was adorable, I could tell early on that his environment wasn’t going to set him up for success. She’d often complain to me about how he didn’t respect her, and while she didn’t give me the full story (as usual), I had a pretty good idea where things were headed. It was clear she was struggling to raise him right, and honestly, I don’t blame the kid for acting out. It’s hard to enforce discipline when your own life is a mess.

Her son clearly preferred his dad, who, to be fair, was a decent guy. But even he wasn’t without fault — he had two other kids from different relationships. I used to hope he’d go back to Nakia for their son’s sake, but looking back, I see that wouldn’t have solved anything. Poor judgment ran deep in that household, starting with Nakia’s decision to buy a rundown house she couldn’t afford instead of renting a decent apartment.

The House of Chaos

Calling her house a "home" is generous. It was an undervalued money pit she purchased without shopping around. No proper furniture, just a raggedy old sofa that looked like it had been salvaged from the curb. The place was always a mess — clothes everywhere, random clutter that never got put away. Every time I visited, I ended up cleaning it myself while she blamed exhaustion. Let’s be real — she wasn’t tired; she was lazy.

The basement? A dungeon. There was a busted step that eventually snapped, and instead of fixing it, you just had to "watch your step" going down. The bathroom was no better. She tried to renovate it herself, tiling with makeshift tools and no experience. It was obvious she had no idea what she was doing. Her whole house was a reflection of her life — poorly planned, halfway done, and falling apart.

Her Family Circus

Her family? A case study in dysfunction. They were friendly, sure, but way too friendly — the type that love-bombs you just to see if you’ll play "ATM" for them later. Her mom was a former (or maybe still active) crackhead, and I could never understand why Nakia let her stay in the house, especially with a known drug spot just blocks away. Her aunt 'Nette wasn’t much better — older but just as immature, with multiple kids from different fathers. Then there was her cousin, young but already living on welfare with no ambition to change. Her boyfriend was from Philly, friendly but aimless.

Her brother was the crown jewel of the madness — a jailbird with anger issues, trying to play "music producer" while stashing his equipment at Nakia’s house. It was wild. Her family would constantly drop by asking for favors like Nakia was rich. I tried to ignore it, but every visit to that house felt like stepping into a whirlwind of chaos. It got to the point where I didn’t even want to visit anymore.

What I Should’ve Seen Coming

Looking back, it’s clear I was blind to the red flags. The dysfunction in her life mirrored some of the dysfunction I’d seen in my own family, and I guess part of me thought I could handle it. I was wrong. I wanted to make it work, but she wasn’t even in the same state as me. If she’d moved to my city, where jobs were plentiful, maybe things would’ve been different. But she stayed in that rundown New Jersey suburb, surrounded by neighbors who were either elderly, stuck, or as ghetto as it gets.

Money, Ambition, and Reality

Her finances were a disaster. She had no clue how to handle money. She wasted it on useless stuff and had the nerve to call me "cheap" because I didn’t want to spend big on her. Meanwhile, I was the one paying to travel to see her — almost $200 each time. She never even offered to split costs. I remember her bragging once that she considered herself "middle class" just because she owned a house. I had to laugh. Owning a house doesn’t make you middle class if the house is falling apart, and you’re drowning in debt trying to maintain it.

I heard she eventually got a degree, but I doubt she’s using it. She never had ambition while we were together, and I doubt that’s changed. She’s over 30, and people don’t just change overnight. She might be a grandmother by now, and I can only imagine the generational cycle continuing.

The Lessons I Learned

At one point, I thought maybe if I stuck around, she’d change. But no — I see now that I saved myself from a lifetime of headaches and migraines. If I’d had a child with her, I’d be tied to that dysfunction forever. I’m grateful I had the sense to leave. It’s crazy how life teaches you to recognize the signs after the fact.

Good riddance, Nakia. Thanks for the life lesson.

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