More fucking bloodwork. I swear these damn doctors are all biopsy happy. that or they love taking my health insurance money for all they've got.
Sometimes I just think life really IS too short. I could be dead in about 15 years and that's not too far away now. You ever feel that way? I don't feel like I've accomplished everything I've wanted to YET I've accomplished more than most of my friends have without a degree nor a special skill. I sometimes think they're too damn lazy. Growing up the way that I did, I think that I deserve my accolades. I didn't have the support that most of my friends did and they should have taken those opportunities and turned their lives around, but they chose to fuck around and act like 15 year-olds in their twenties. Now they're in their late thirties wondering or brooding over some bullshit that they could have taken care of 10 years ago. I don't, no, I CAN NOT, have sympathy for that type of nonsense, because they had their support system intact. I AM tooting my own horn because although I did NOT have a support system, I did what they could have done without anybody's help. It's a good thing I learned to rely on myself instead of others to help me out otherwise I'd be dead by now for all I know. I've managed to become a Junior or senior in college and I had help from nobody but ME. I had to figure out how to deal with the financial AID stuff by myself because my mom didn't know, nor did anybody that I knew since they NEVER went to college, nor did they want to start, which was frustrating, but I had always had the local library to rely on, which, although sometimes never helped, books assisted me better than the staff.
I feel that I have to state this just in case anybody wonders why I'm saying this, but I think that I have to brag about me because that's what I'm good at. I guess I have this blog because I really have no one that I can sound off too without them pissing me the fuck off because they don't think I am normal anymore. I think too much and alot of people don't like how I think, lol...I think sometimes I don't belong in this world or maybe in this era or age. Most people are just being dumbed down without knowing it or maybe they're just tired of trying to figure it out so they just give up. I've been one of those who doesn't give up thinking and I think that bothers others because I haven't succumb to what others think are the norm. Fuck them, and if you don't understand what I mean, fuck you too, because you belong with that insipid, dumbass group. All I want is somebody, SOMEONE to understand what I'm going through without calling me some attention-wanting son-of-a-bitch. I mean damn, I haven't said anything about your life and how you fucked it up. But since I have none of these people around me, I have chosen to just type away on a blog, so the world can read and see who the fuck cares to try to understand my ramblings, because I really am rambling at times. I think I do it to practice my vocabulary. If you haven't picked up on some words some people might not utilize these days....they're there, it's just you have to look further and see if you can see what I mean...or something,lol.
People waste their time trying to entertain their worthless lives with bullshit activities like going to the beach, only to regret it with the sun poisoning or sunburns that they get that might give them melanoma in about a couple years if they're old enough. One of my ex coworkers died of that shit, but she loved going to the beach when on vacation. As pale as she was, by the time she came to my job, you could already tell she was a prime candidate for that deathbed. I mean, her skin was just blotched with the sun's beatings on her. I don't usually pay attention to people's skin, but hers was just there, every time you saw her, her face looked like some rag that needed a rinse or bleach to make it even in color. her skin also shined like there was no tomorrow, which indicated to me that it was oily, I mean what the hell did she do to take care of her face?
It's funny because I'm the one who is all about being and shit and here I am with a disease that hit me from nowhere. Meanwhile I have a fat friend who doesn't know how to say no to carbs(OK, make that two friends who do that) and one who seems pretty care-free, and they're all seem pretty healthy. Well, it's either that or they don't want to disclose it like the bitches that they seem to be. I swear I am the most honest out of all of my friends who seem to want to out-do one another. I have never held back anything from my friends, but I always feel as though they do that so they can look good when they never do because they haven't achieved shit except having kids,which is simpler than you think. for all I know,they could be diabetic(they're all fat, except me, I mean damn, give me a clue) but will not tell me about it. Must be a man thing, but I don't mind telling them that I have my disorder/disease/etc. however you want to address what I have. I know that most of them have insecurities because they don't like my judging them when I do it. I try not to fuck with them, but DAMN, when you're over 35 years old and you're acting like some fucking child, you should be called on it. Just because your dumbass family members don't do it, doesn't mean I'm going to be the same. I've been told by some of them that they look up to me, and I have to wonder why, because to me, that would make me older than them, at least that's how I always thought that sentiment was meant. my own peers are saying that they always looked up to me, and it makes me uneasy because I don't like having followers, you know? Like my relationship with my younger brother..or lack thereof. I always told him to be himself and never to follow anybody. Wouldn't you know he ends up just trying to please me all of the damn time. To this day he tries to emulate ME and I really despise when people can't be themselves and try to copy others. My thing is if you've ever experienced who I am, then you would know that I hate people that copy others, so why copy me? I know it seems like I'm talking about myself, but what the FUCK? It's my blog right? So why not?
When I think about all of the people I've had in my life(not too many) throughout the years, and the way I see them now it's just........what a waste of time. alot of them ended up deadbeat dads or just plain down and out, while I've been breezing through life working and going to school. All the while these dumbasses were talking about "why are you still in school" .........."well, gee, let's see.....so I would NOT end up like YOU" there's your answer if you're so interesting my academic career. They make snarky remarks like" you're a career student" which usually comes from someone who hasn't finished college or someone who doesn't know how to function in life period. I have a friend who swear I am such a slacker, he thinks I should push to get more out of life.. This is coming from a person who's pretty much like five years older than me and has never held a REAL job, was living with his parents throughout his college career and was CHOSEN to the job that he has now. He never went looking for that job because he never knew how to look for one to begin with. His degree got him that job and They chose him from a list of people. He's such a bitch when it comes to life, because, although he's alot older than me, he's never really lived outside of his mother's nest. He was living in my city and was wondering why he was getting his car tampered with on a regular basis. Meanwhile he's wondering why I have no car. Living in this city, your car could get tampered with. I know because I had one broken into. I know a thing about living on my own. I've had my share of irresponsible roommates, and unpaid rent due to a crackhead living my apartment.
I think I'll stop here
TTYL!!!! :)
