As I get older, I realize that there was only one girl that ever made me happy, and that was when I was 18 years old. She was 17, but it was an innocent relationship. I loved her to the point that when we broke up(stupid me!) all I've been doing is trying to find her replacement. I've met girls who were sweet and everything, but I never had that spark except with maybe one, and that came with consequences. my 17 year old was not expecting me to buy her anything, she just wanted me to be me. She didn't expect me to travel with her or even go to dinner with her, a day at the park was more than enough for her. I remember when I told her I loved her. It was so real, I can't even explain how much I love/d her. I've since met what most people would call "hoes" because that's what the definition was in '93, when I'd been with V. Every other woman has been expecting me to do something or buy them something, whatever the case was: they expected me to buy them something. They weren't happy just being with me. I'm not talking ghetto chicks, I'm talking high class educated women. I guess when you get to a certain age you expect something, but to put it up front is bullshit. I am glad to have met her though, I don't regret ever meeting her. She was kind and so innocent, as was I. We were so cute together, and she was so into me. I almost couldn't believe it. I remember when she had told me that she wished I was ugly so that no one else would want me. I thought that was so crazy, lol. She would tell me that when I walked with her to anywhere, I would never look anybody or have a wandering eye. I thought I was just being me. I was with the girl I wanted to be with and nobody made me feel better. Nothing that another girl did made a difference because they weren't V. I am living proof that love does exist, and it DOES hit you when you least expect it, but you have to wait for it to catch you, not look for it. I have been looking for love for the past 20 years and I can't believe what I am saying is so true. I have dated many women, and some were just a hassle to deal with. Some were money hungry and didn't realize it. Some were just plain crazy. I've learned to take it easy and get to know a woman little by little so that if something go wrong, I don't have too much emotional investment in her. I have rushed into relationships because some girls just wanted to rush into them. That ended up in me hurting them(IF you can believe that) because I realized that we are not compatible. It's either the physical or the emotional or even the damn financial(lots of those) baggage that got in the way when it came to them. Some just didn't trust that a man can be faithful(especially young women). I am hopeful that my V will come back to me some day. She was the only girl I can truly say that I have EVER loved in my life, and that's saying alot because I've dated/talked to/slept with alot of women(though selectively!) and I'm lucky not to catch an STD or something of the sort. If only I could just know about her just to know she's OK. I don't know if she's passed away or what. You never know what can happen. Last time I had spoken to her it was 1999. It's been 13 years since I'd spoken to her. I don't know if she's had kids or what, but I just want to know how she's doing. Facebook really sucks because all the girls I had a crush on are not on there. That means they're either dead, or they ACTUALLY have a LIFE. I am thinking of getting off of Facebook because it's getting emotionally draining. People get all stuffy about nonsense they shouldn't even worry about and the motivational photos are getting on my nerves. How insecure do you have to be to tell yourself such nonsense. Funny thing is that most of my "Facebook Friends" aren't even my real friends. They are just people I found online and hooked up with them(and I don't mean sex either). Everyboidy on there is an attention whore or borderline and I don't care for such attention. The people I really wanted to see or find out about are not on FB so who cares right? It's becoming more than just passing the time on there and it's getting to me. Anyways, I'll be fasting on FB for a while, who knows if I'll even get on anymore.
TTYL
